I promise not to talk about the heat (probably will – too hot to care), but I will shout out to all teachers limping to the end of a very long term. I cannot be alone in feeling maxed out sorry, that should read ‘maxxed’ out; turns out that while I have been distracted by the hunt for some air con, it has been decreed that one ‘x’ is no longer enough.

I do my homework and seize the opportunity to ask a student about this. He is my office because apparently he has ‘maxxed’ out on lessons for the day, although it is only mid morning: ‘How can anyone expect me to stay in a classroom for 90 minutes, Miss?’ he questions. As I need his inside intel, I do not mention that he seems to have had no trouble maxxing out on the England match the night before; today he looks like he would benefit from the excess of ‘z’s’ he has failed to bank.

I ask him where this term ‘maxxing’ has come from. ‘Looksmaxxing has changed the lingo,’ he tells me and then, looking at my blank expression, realises that he will need to explain what this means. Apparently ‘softmaxxing’ is basic self care, grooming and healthy fitness (I sense a liberal use of Lynxx would fall into in this category -two x’s I now realise – and although an assault on the nostrils, a blessing in a class of sweaty Year 9 boys) whereas ‘hardmaxxing’ is resorting to plastic surgery and extreme diets to get the best look. ‘The manosphere means we are under so much pressure now to optimize,’ (one ‘z’) he tells me. ‘I am exhausted before I even get to school’.

My temperature rises but most of all I feel saddened – this may be on account of my wind down into my golden years; I feel I do not have the energy – or inclination – to double down on this maximisation but feel I would have done so were I much younger. And now that this doubling up of consonants has been highlighted, I start to see it everywhere. I discover that I have been left in the shade while everyone else has been optimiz(z)ing on sleepmaxxing, taskmaxxing and even funmaxxing.

At this stage in the term I am now only interested in holidaymaxxing. I go and sit in the shade and take a swig of Pepsi Max to cool down and contemplate my new learning. I am not in a hurry, so I have time to read the label on the bottle and feel relieved – even though I tell everyone that I have weaned myself off diet drinks – that there is only one ‘x’ on the label. I guess there are enough additives in this product already.

If you have stuck with my blogs over the years (‘blogmaxxer’ you – and many thanks), you will see that my wind down has caught me by stealth, for I have often confessed to having a compulsive – some would say obsessive – personality. For example I am banned from wearing a fitness tracker because I already rarely sit still at my desk. If I started to monitor the quality of my sleep, it would keep me awake at night.

I feel sorry for students if they are feeling this pressure to maxx things up, when some of them are already paralysed by the amount of choice they have, and/or are unable to wind down. Enough is enough (and plenty) – but how can you teach this life learning?

I drill down on some research and feel relieved to discover that at the other end of this Maximimisation Scale is something called ‘satisficing’. Thank you Nobel laureate Herbert Simon for coining this phrase. ‘Satisfice’ is to satisfy and suffice – setting good enough rules for your decisions and then making them, rather than spending so much time looking for the best options that you then regret them, because even after – eventually – making the decision, you will still scan for a better option and compare your choices to other people’s.

I return to my shaded bower and take another swig of Pepsi Max (other diet products are available) and realise that I no longer like the taste and this must be why I now so rarely buy it. I have had ample sufficiency when it comes to diet drinks and realise I am more satisfied with less ‘x’s in my life and less aspartame. (I know I could drill down on this metaphor, but it is still hot and quite frankly I will leave it to someone more than competitive than me, or someone who needs the funmaxx.

To bring you back to my student, you may like to know that his mojo returned – thankfully just in time for break time – and I am reassured to hear that he is not going to ‘proteinmaxx’ in the canteen because it is sausage and chip day and this is what his body needs apparently.

He leaves with a parting shot, ‘I guess you are lucky Miss – it must be another benefit of getting older. Your eyesight is so poor that there would be no point in looksmaxxing if you can’t even see your wrinkles or your waistline in the mirror’.

Preach student, preach, and – as I breathe in – I say a little prayer for the doubling down of elastic in my Spanxx and the long school holiday ahead. I feel I have just enough energy left to contemplate this holidaymaxxing milarky without becoming the object of envy. My aim is to satisfice to the max (one ‘x’).